


Ghost of You

by suchalongway



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 08:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16657867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchalongway/pseuds/suchalongway
Summary: Calum and Shawn really wanted to make things work, but something was always getting in the way. They've both ignored it for as long as they can, but all good things must come to an end.





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolutely not a crack fic please it is serious and sad

Calum sat alone in the early hours of the morning at the kitchen table again for the fifth night in a row. Shawn had promised to be home by eleven last night but just like the last four night before, he had left Calum waiting up until his eyes couldn’t stay open anymore. Calum knew his time with Shawn was running out, he knew their relationship wasn’t sustainable, knew that Shawn would eventually run from him, run into the arms of the top he belonged with. Calum wished sometimes desperately that he could be that top for Shawn but try as he might, he couldn’t help who he was. 

Calum clutched his coffee in his hands, his sad submissive brown eyes flickering towards the door, hoping Shawn would walk through at any moment. Where was he? Was he eating breakfast alone like Calum? 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud PING from his phone and he sighed as he checked it and found his sixth consecutive email of the day from Ashton. This one was a list of local pasta restaurants for them to visit in the future and a rather long poem about the miracle of friendship. He was about to type out a reply, half out of loneliness and half out of pity, when the front door opened and Shawn walked through it, holding a clearly empty suitcase and grinning. His smile dropped from his face as he looked at Calum, sitting alone in the kitchen.

“More emails?” Shawn chuckled nervously. He was always nervous, but now he looked as if his legs might give out. His heart started to race, his hands started to shake. 

“Always.” Calum dropped his phone on the table next to the plate of pancakes Ashton had dropped off that morning. Calum could tell Ashton had wanted to stay longer than he did but Calum hadn’t been in the mood to entertain and made a few lame excuses. Ashton had waved him off with a “Don’t be silly, I’ll be fine! My shift at Cravin' Vapes starts in an hour anyways!” Calum knew that wasn’t true, but he didn’t call Ashton out on it. 

“What are you doing with that suitcase? Are you going on a trip?” He knew that wasn’t the case before the question left his mouth but he still had some sort of bizarre spark of hope left that apparently made him say stupid things. Shawn shifted uncomfortably before letting out a loud sigh and taking a seat opposite Calum at the table.

“No, I’m not going on a trip. Look, Cal, we both know this hasn’t been working for a while now. I wish it could, I really do, but we just aren’t compatible.”

“We could be! I could top you, really, I could try!” Calum pleaded, his voice shaky as he thought of their first night spent alone together. 

——————----------------------------------------------------------------  
They had stumbled through the door of Shawn’s apartment, excited and giggly after a long night at the club, kissing and nuzzling each other, and then, all of ten minutes later, they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, a cloud of confusion and tension hanging over them. 

“You’re not going to fuck me?” Shawn had asked sadly, his pretty face full of disappointment. 

“With MY dick?” Calum had asked suspiciously. “How would that even work? Who would be fucking ME?” 

That was the day they realized how serious their problem was. Calum had stayed up all night that night on the phone with Luke discussing his predicament and they had come to the conclusion that Shawn was worth the sexual incompatibility. Calum liked him more than he cared to admit and Luke reminded Calum that sexuality was ever evolving. Michael hadn’t been interested in Luke until he’d dressed up as Dracula for Halloween once and ever since that day, as Luke put it, Michael ended up sitting on his dick pretty much nightly. Calum fell asleep at five in the morning with newfound hope for his budding relationship and a vibrator in the mail.  
——————----------------------------------------------------------------

Now, all Calum feels is overwhelming sadness as he sits on their bed watching Shawn pack his clothes. He knew he should have expected this, expected that Shawn would find someone who could please him in ways Calum couldn’t. He was too beautiful and too charming not to have men falling all over him and Calum was naive to think he could have him all to himself. 

“It’s Niall, isn’t it?” he asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Shawn froze in the middle of folding up his favorite rose printed shirt and looked guilty for a moment before fixing his expression into a mask of bravery and facing Calum. 

“He’s waiting for me at home.” 

“In Ireland?” Calum asked bitterly, kicking the wall in front of him. 

“No, not in Ireland, Calum. He lives like fifteen minutes away, you know that.” 

“I just figured you try to get as far away from my ass as possible. Literally, because you won’t touch my ass. That’s the whole problem here, you know. We could have been so good but you won’t make a few sacrifices just to-“

“Don’t you dare turn this around on me! You and I both know this isn’t anyone’s fault, we were just born this way,” Shawn was angry now, stuffing his belongings into his suitcase quickly and glaring at Calum, “ Neither of us was willing to sacrifice anything and now look where we are! I’m moving along, Calum. I’ve found someone that wants me exactly as I am and I’m not giving that up for a relationship that was never going to work.”

Calum was quiet for a moment and he let out a sad, choked little noise before he spoke,  
“I loved you. I really did. I thought we could have it all. But I know better now.” He watched Shawn zip up his suitcase sadly, watched as he walked out of what was once their bedroom and started down the stairs. “……better now…” Calum repeated softly. 

He stood dramatically and followed Shawn out of the bedroom, watching as he struggled with the suitcase and the staircase, “ So I drown in out, like I always do, dancing through our house, with the ghost of you…” 

Shawn shot him a withering stare as he finally reached the bottom of the stairs. “Seriously? Calum, seriously? Are you singing to me?” He shook his head and walked to the front door, his hand hesitating slightly before he pushed it open and shuffled out into the warm June air. He turned back one last time to give Calum a small wave. “I hope you find what you need someday, too. I really do.”

Calum wiped a tear from his eye as he whispered softly, “Too young, too dumb, to know things like love, but I know better now……better now.”


End file.
